In the past month I’ve had the chance to ponder everything that has happened since that day. I’ve not only pondered but I’ve waited. I can’t say what I have been waiting for exactly but I’ve waited nonetheless. A friendship that was torn apart meant the world to me. She was always there to support me and offer advice when needed. When my father passed away she was around for me and even wanted to come up and be there for me again supporting me. Even the conversation before “the end” was a good one. Honestly, she was the big sister I never had and always wanted. She didn’t act like a mother and I, honestly, thought we were closer than friends. I considered her my best friend. Unfortunately, I’ve managed to lose two best friends in 6 months. Needless to say I’ve been devastated. Then, comes the anger, when I began to question whether our friendship was even real. If we were friends at all, why would she not hear me out, why wouldn’t she give me the benefit of the doubt? I don’t feel that I did anything wrong. I confided in a friend about how I’ve been feeling. Why is that so wrong? Did I give away private details of someones life that wasn’t mine? The answer is no. Did I say something out of concern for another, yes. Yes, that I am guilty of.
Will this friendship ever be mended? Is it time to move on and forget the friendship all together? It was something that meant a lot to me and part of me feels like I should fight for it, but the other part of me feels like if I do fight, will it just be a losing battle?
I’m going down a path in my life where I must choose what I have or put into my life, wisely. I don’t want to waste my time on trivial things and situations. I want people in my life who are going to be a positive influence in my life, which includes my family’s life.
I have a cliche that come to mind: If you love someone let them go, if it was meant to be they’ll return, if not it wasn’t meant to be. I think this fits because I love this girl like she was my sister, so I’m using it!
Now to leave you with two songs:
April 19th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
I feel you. I am in a pretty much identical situation. My thoughts are with you as we both try to navigate through this difficult time!