long dark journey into light

Leave my body now and stop wreaking havoc within me.

Part of me gets that these things that are happening in my life are beyond my control, why can’t my whole self to get it. AHHHHH I feel like running up and down the street screaming at the top of my lungs. I know that eventually everything will work out but in the meantime other parts of me don’t want to believe that we won’t survive this.

I am sick and tired of this crap. All the stuff happening in my life and trail of remains it leaves breaking my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o02OFdXEV8E

“Fallen”

Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I’ve tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It’s the bitter taste of losing everything
That I’ve held so dear.

I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…

Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I’m lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don’t see
But it’s one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn’t seem a way to be redeemed

Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…

Yes, that is what I just said. Read it again, mull it over and pay attention. I’ve always wanted to be a runner, but when I had the chance waaaaaay and I mean waaaaaaay back when, I chose a different path. I’ve always been on the chubby side and have bad knees. Nevertheless, this is something that I’ve been thinking and thinking about. The one (okay there’s more things I want to do but let’s focus on one thing at a time) thing I want to do when I lose all this weight and get into shape is to run. I want to be a runner and I want to run at least one marathon. Just to say, hey, guess what, I have run a marathon! I know that it takes time and training. If this is what I want, then that’s what I am going to do.

I run for life ~ Melissa Etheridge

Fyi: this is from the things I’ve been to afraid to say or do file!

My brain seems to have shut off for some reason.  It’s really kind of irritating to be honest with you.

I am sure about a couple things: 

I have narrowed down my field of study.  I am going with the psychology major and once I have my degree I would like to do one of two things.  I would like to work with DID (dissociative identity disorder) aka multiple personalities or with adolescents with eating disorders.

I need a vacation. Which will not happen since I’ve sworn off traveling for a year, at least.

I wish my hair would stop falling out. Every time I run my fingers through my hair I gather at least 3-4 strands.

I’ll be back soon with either more ramblings or I will get my brain to function.