Andrew,
When Caleb and I came to the decision to have you move in with us, we didn’t do it lightly. We talked about what happened last time you were here to what choices you could make for your future. We decided that it would be a good chance to help you get your life back not only for yourself but for your family as well. I knew when dad died that I could potentially be the only one that looked out for you. I’ve tried to fill that role. I helped you take care of a few things in Washington before you came up to live with us, so that there wasn’t much reason for you to go back to Washington. I used my van to travel back and forth several times. I did it willingly. I wanted you to be able to start fresh and not have constant worry. When you first got here I thought “hey this could be great”. You helped with the girls and got them to start listening to me and following the rules and this was all on the first few days. All of my kids love you and enjoy spending time with you. It was nice to have you here because I have been so lonely since dad died. We talked and hung out; I thought our relationship was better than it has been for awhile. I gave you space and privacy when you needed it. I opened my home up to you, I told you to call it your home and to get comfortable.
You went out with your fiancée and daughter for a day or so away and I thought that was a great trip for you. A time to relax, to take a break. I know how much a break is needed when I get one. Something to clear your mind and then to come back to reality and get movin’ again. However, you didn’t come back to reality. You chose to go back to your fantasy. Where everything seems to be better. You parted ways with your fiancée and daughter only to hang out with people that you know you should stay away from. I asked you to stay here and we would go to the movies. I just had a bad feeling about it, I tried to convince you. However, it just didn’t work. You made your choice. You made the choice to steal from me and to use it for your addiction. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to believe you because the first week you were here was nice. You told me not to worry about it and that you would take care of it. I should’ve known right then you were just trying to cover yourself. I went to bed after telling you that everything would be fine. You kept blaming your friends and that you wanted to get back at them. I told you not to worry about it, but for my family’s benefit to give us a week to build up trust again. The next morning I had to take care of business because that is not just my money but that is money that my husband works for and my children need. I did just that, thinking you were innocent all the while.
It was devastating to me to hear that all of it was you and not your friends. You tried to come up with another story. In the end you had three different stories, I am sure if I pieced it all together I might get some semblance of the truth. I may never get the truth. What hurts me is that you said you had been clean for so long and then you come and almost literally destroyed us. Grant it, money isn’t everything but it is how we live and how we get by. You hurt me because you looked into my eyes as you stole from me and lied to me but worst of all you had my children’s love and adoration. I’m not sorry that I had to do what I did. It was a long time coming for hurting not only me but our whole family and mostly our father. You took advantage of him in the worst way. He gave you the world (chance after chance after chance) and you spit in his face. He loved you more than anything in the world and for him I tried. I tried to help you; I opened our home and our lives just to get spit on. Someday I hope you understand. You stood there talking to me the afternoon before all this happened and told me how much it hurts recovering addicts when people don’t trust them. Well, now you do you get why it takes more than 4 months to earn that trust back and for them to feel comfortable around you. This time I couldn’t just let it slide off my shoulders. I just couldn’t lie down and take this. You said you were tired of people taking advantage of you, well it only took six months to get tired of you taking advantage of me.
I don’t and won’t worry about this anymore. I have done what I could do, I can do no more. I wanted for us to be a family and to be close but that can never happen. It’s a shame because when you are sober and you are trying to do well you are a great person to be around. The person I feel most sorry for in this situation is Juliana. She deserves to have healthy parents. She is such a sweet little girl. Hopefully, someday, you will realize that. I hope that someday you realize there is more to life than looking at a house and instead of seeing its beauty you see ways in which to rob it. To know that your daughter is more important and amazing and more beautiful than heroin. To know that being sober can be just as good as anything else. I, also, hope that you realize that lying is lying and that the truth is so much better than the guilt you feel.
I am not trying to say that I am perfect and that I have no issues. I have many, many moments where I wish I could have a better life than this. However, when I look at my children when they learn something new, or give me their biggest, brightest smile, or tell me they love me with those gooey eyes. That is the stuff that makes it all worth it. Not drugs, manipulation, or lying.
I will always love you, but I do hope that someday you will understand why I had to do what I had to do. It wasn’t just about the money; it was about something more than that. I can’t help you, you proved that.
Love you always,
Your sister
