Feelings always tell you the truth. Do you ever get tired of living a lie?
Apparently there has been some type of contest that has to do with pictures and soldiers. I received the following in an email. I don’t usually forward emails nor do I go to great lengths to get something out there but today is different. Lately, the troops, the war, the families and 9/11 has been on my mind a lot. I think that is probably an understatement and I probably have my Ethics class to thank for that. Anyways, the new thing now is to wear blue on Fridays for our troops and I think it’s a great idea. Anything to let them know we still support them and their families. Here are a couple of pictures and stories. These won first and second place.
Todd Heisler The Rocky Mountain News
When 2nd Lt. James Cathey’s body arrived at the Reno Airport , Marines climbed into the cargo hold of the plane and draped the flag over his casket as passengers watched the family gather on the tarmac.
During the arrival of another Marine’s casket last year at Denver International Airport , Major Steve Beck described the scene as so powerful: ‘See the people in the windows? They sat right there in the plane, watching those Marines. You gotta wonder what’s going through their minds, knowing that they’re on the plane that brought him home,’ he said ‘They will remember being on that plane for the rest of their lives. They’re going to remember bringing that Marine home. And they should.’
Todd Heisler The Rocky Mountain News
The night before the burial of her husband’s body, Katherine Cathey refused to leave the casket, asking to sleep next to his body for the last time The Marines made a bed for her, tucking in the sheets below the flag. Before she fell asleep, she opened her laptop computer and played songs that reminded her of ‘Cat,’ and one of the Marines asked if she wanted them to continue standing watch as she slept. ‘I think it would be kind of nice if you kept doing it,’ she said. ‘I think that’s what he would have wanted’
About 3-4 weeks ago my husband was put onto probation at his job. He was put on probation for a whole list of things. He started working from home the day we signed the lease to move to be closer to his new job, however, we chose to move in case they decided that his team was no longer working from home. Well, within two months he was put on probation. The three main things he was put on probation for was not working and finishing his work on time or on a deadline, not answer emails efficiently and on time, and not being around his computer when needed. These are the things that were shown on behalf of his “boss” and his “boss’s boss”.
Well, here’s my side of things.
He’s been there a little over two years.. He never took much of any time off this year or last year. In fact, let’s rewind back to last July. You get 14 days of vacation time at this time and you can take them over the course of the year and they don’t roll over. In July, he worked ten hours days. He was gone by early every morning and didn’t come home til after 6. His dinner was always cold. He never had enough time to play with the kids because it was bath then bed. Then after he’d help put the kids to bed, he finally sit down and eat and work some more. He did this for about two months. Yes, he got paid for what he did, eventually. That was a lot of time he missed out on with his family.
I have been very sick. Two years ago it started with migraines and stomach issues after Vinnie was born. The migraines were caused by stress and now that Vinnie and the girls are older they aren’t as bad as they were, however I still have very bad stomach problems which we’ve been trying to get to the bottom of. Hubby started working days from home, to try and relieve some of my stress and if I was in horrible pain. However, he still was on the computer working and working and if he didn’t get his hours in during the day, he would stay up til midnight or later trying to finish up some work.
Then in October my father died. Instead of falling apart like I know I would have and could have. I’ve pretty much sucked it up, because I know that if I would fall apart and let the sadness eat me away he’d have no job left. He took two bereavement days for me. One for the funeral and one to watch the kids and I even think that he actually worked most if not the whole day I was gone. I know how much he loves what he does so I didn’t fall apart. I kept on moving forward.
Winter came and the kids had a mild winter but Vinnie suffered a lot of ear infections. So, he and the girls had their fair share of going to the doctors. There were days hubby had to stay home a lot because we don’t have two cars. However, he was working before, during (if I took the sick child) and after the appointment. Vinnie ended up getting tubes and for the year and a half we lived in mold (which our landlord kept telling us there wasn’t any) he had a runny nose. All I’ve seen this man do is work. If I went on short weekend trips to go away. He would still be working from home. If he didn’t get much work done throughout the day he would work at night.
Hubby was constantly doing other people’s work. Other correcting mistakes or actually doing the work for them. That INCLUDES the boss’s husband as well as a out sourced guy. It’s a wonder he got any of his actual work done at all. He would spend hours on email making sure he outlined every possible important issue. I would hear about these emails for days because either someone wasn’t doing their work or he was correcting the errors. Now, I will agree that the emails may have never been sent in on time, that was because he was trying to be as clear as he possibly could, but the emails were ALWAYS being sent. Before he was transferred to a new location, he worked late and tried to go in early. There were days he’d work 15, 30 mins, and even an hour over just to get something done. However, when he was transferred they locked the building at 4pm. Which aggravates him to no end, I have to hear about how his boss is talking to him at 4pm trying to finish stuff and he’s politely trying to tell her he’s got to go, he’ll talk to her when he gets home. So as soon as he’d get home he’d open his laptop up, even in the middle of dinner, to update his boss.
By March, he was working from home. The same day we signed the lease. At this point and time he’s only taken maybe 4 vacation days which were never taken for vacation they were taken to move. We moved into the new house with no internet because lines got crossed and it wasn’t installed til a few days later. We had stayed at his mom’s so he’d log in, to get some hours in. When we got into the new house, he would go down to the office to get some time to update or he even told me how he sat out back after hours to try and get enough internet to update. So frustrating. Even I was late on a few assignments in that internet fiasco.
April, still trying to get settled into our new home and trying to get the kids settled in. I mean it’s June and we’re not even completely unpacked. I’ve had a few bad days here and there but I’ve survived. I know he has to work and I know he’s very damn lucky to have a job in today’s economy. What I am trying to say is that my husband works his damn ass off every day. EVERY DAY. He’s done work on holidays, weekends, after hours.. etc. He has ten vacation days left before the end of the “year” and probably won’t even get a chance to take them. Just because he takes a vacation day, it doesn’t mean we’re actually vacationing. He’s still doing some type of work. He never gets a break, I never get much of a break. However, we know this is apart of life.
What I am saying is that my husband works his damn ass off for the job and is completely under appreciated. He busts his ass and he’s so worth more than what they offer him. They treat him like shit and he takes the beating because he is to nice to say anything or stand up for himself. Don’t get me wrong we are thankful that he has this job but he’s treated like a dog. Yes, a d-o-g. He spends probably 85% of his day working. They say he doesn’t meet deadlines, he doesn’t answer emails on time, he doesn’t actually work. I call BULL SHIT! Thankfully, it’s not me. Because I am brash and a bitch. 30,000 dollars a year is NOT EFFIN’ WORTH THE SHIT HE HAS TO ENDURE! For the amount of work AND OTHER PEOPLE’S work he actually does. The amount of time he actually spends doing work. I’ve had it, he’s had it. However, he’s to nice to say anything….
BUT I’M NOT.. obviously..
Who’s helping you weather the storm?
After today, I’ve realized, my faith is no where near where I want it to be. The preacher talked about having faith that God will bring you through even the toughest of storms. I don’t have as much faith as I thought I did.
The preacher also talked of a friend having Hodgkins Lymphoma who spoke of this at a local high school. He talked about lying face down on the floor crying out to God to save his life and God asked him why? So, he answered that I have kids to raise and God said well I can raise your children. It actually brought tears to my eyes. My children are my life, it’s a fear of mine that I would not be here to see them grow up. It never occurred to me that if something DID happen to me that God would always take care of them.
We’re going through tough times right now, I am personally going through a very difficult time and as much as I try to give it all to God, I don’t. I feel as though I need some type of control and even that’s not working. I want to have that complete faith in God that He will and is taking care of me. That there are rough seas out there and He would be more than happy to take over and navigate me to calm waters… and realizing this makes me want to just give it to Him and to ask Him for His help. I don’t want to have this burden anymore.
Leave my body now and stop wreaking havoc within me.
Part of me gets that these things that are happening in my life are beyond my control, why can’t my whole self to get it. AHHHHH I feel like running up and down the street screaming at the top of my lungs. I know that eventually everything will work out but in the meantime other parts of me don’t want to believe that we won’t survive this.
I am sick and tired of this crap. All the stuff happening in my life and trail of remains it leaves breaking my heart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o02OFdXEV8E
“Fallen”
Heaven bend to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I’ve tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…
We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
THe past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It’s the bitter taste of losing everything
That I’ve held so dear.
I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…
Heaven bend to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I’m lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don’t see
But it’s one missed step
One slip before you know it
And there doesn’t seem a way to be redeemed
Though I’ve tried, I’ve fallen…
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know
So don’t come round here
And tell me I told you so…
Yes, that is what I just said. Read it again, mull it over and pay attention. I’ve always wanted to be a runner, but when I had the chance waaaaaay and I mean waaaaaaay back when, I chose a different path. I’ve always been on the chubby side and have bad knees. Nevertheless, this is something that I’ve been thinking and thinking about. The one (okay there’s more things I want to do but let’s focus on one thing at a time) thing I want to do when I lose all this weight and get into shape is to run. I want to be a runner and I want to run at least one marathon. Just to say, hey, guess what, I have run a marathon! I know that it takes time and training. If this is what I want, then that’s what I am going to do.
I run for life ~ Melissa Etheridge
Fyi: this is from the things I’ve been to afraid to say or do file!
My brain seems to have shut off for some reason. It’s really kind of irritating to be honest with you.
I am sure about a couple things:
I have narrowed down my field of study. I am going with the psychology major and once I have my degree I would like to do one of two things. I would like to work with DID (dissociative identity disorder) aka multiple personalities or with adolescents with eating disorders.
I need a vacation. Which will not happen since I’ve sworn off traveling for a year, at least.
I wish my hair would stop falling out. Every time I run my fingers through my hair I gather at least 3-4 strands.
I’ll be back soon with either more ramblings or I will get my brain to function.
I seem to ask myself this question daily. Then I ask myself is there really any answer? I mean does anyone really know who they are? Every day I ask myself what I am doing with my life and what I could be doing and what I really want to do. I just can’t get a simple answer. Could it be my Gemini rising? Maybe. Maybe not.
Today for example, I just discussed with my husband about joining the military next year. If I can’t figure out what I want to do at least I can be apart of something bigger than myself and get paid for it while I ponder what is it I really want for my life. I want to say it’s not because I am not satisfied in what I am currently doing, because I am not satisfied. I love being a mother, don’t get me wrong, but I really dislike despise being a stay at home mom. I’ve never been good at playing with little kids. I never really had much of a huge imagination. I don’t remember playing much as a child, I do remember reading for hours though.
So what is my path? What do I want to do with my life. Questions that should’ve been answered the first time around when I was going to school. Here I am still pondering, still meditating, still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up.
There aren’t any easy answers, this I know. so I just gotta keep Truckin’
In the past month I’ve had the chance to ponder everything that has happened since that day. I’ve not only pondered but I’ve waited. I can’t say what I have been waiting for exactly but I’ve waited nonetheless. A friendship that was torn apart meant the world to me. She was always there to support me and offer advice when needed. When my father passed away she was around for me and even wanted to come up and be there for me again supporting me. Even the conversation before “the end” was a good one. Honestly, she was the big sister I never had and always wanted. She didn’t act like a mother and I, honestly, thought we were closer than friends. I considered her my best friend. Unfortunately, I’ve managed to lose two best friends in 6 months. Needless to say I’ve been devastated. Then, comes the anger, when I began to question whether our friendship was even real. If we were friends at all, why would she not hear me out, why wouldn’t she give me the benefit of the doubt? I don’t feel that I did anything wrong. I confided in a friend about how I’ve been feeling. Why is that so wrong? Did I give away private details of someones life that wasn’t mine? The answer is no. Did I say something out of concern for another, yes. Yes, that I am guilty of.
Will this friendship ever be mended? Is it time to move on and forget the friendship all together? It was something that meant a lot to me and part of me feels like I should fight for it, but the other part of me feels like if I do fight, will it just be a losing battle?
I’m going down a path in my life where I must choose what I have or put into my life, wisely. I don’t want to waste my time on trivial things and situations. I want people in my life who are going to be a positive influence in my life, which includes my family’s life.
I have a cliche that come to mind: If you love someone let them go, if it was meant to be they’ll return, if not it wasn’t meant to be. I think this fits because I love this girl like she was my sister, so I’m using it!
Now to leave you with two songs: